No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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