It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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