Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
