all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
