Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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