Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
