Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
