Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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