So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
