He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
