third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
