We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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