walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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