I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
