Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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