Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize