and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
