Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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