david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
