I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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