everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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