I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
