fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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