I cannot find my penis.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His nipple licking is glorious
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