we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
