and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
