Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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