just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
