The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
