And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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