so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
