Tell her she can't have a vagina
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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