Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
