I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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