Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
