Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
