i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
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It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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