sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize