We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
