My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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