so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
