paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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