Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize