Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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