It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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