we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
