sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
