The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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