even my farts smell like vagina
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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