i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
