It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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