The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
