we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
