I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
