he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
