Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
