It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am one with the molecules
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
