are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize