I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
