Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
