the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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