took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want nice things and good sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
