I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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