one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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