Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
