I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
