People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
