you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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